When Others Frustrate Me

It is incredibly easy to get frustrated with other people. Letting go of trivial things and staying calm can be a difficult thing when the other person is just not doing what we want them to do, or when they are disagreeing with us, or when they offend us, etc., etc. This is something I have been trying to work on over the past year, and though I am not perfect at it, being aware of how I get frustrated and how I react has helped me a lot in being a more compassionate and patient person.

I read this excellent blog post from Leo Babauta the other day and it really resonated with me so I had to share it on my own blog:

There's a way of being I am trying to cultivate in myself - to let go of wanting others to be a certain way. 

Here's the problem: we all get frustrated with other people. We want our kids to do certain things, our spouses to be less something or other, our friends to change their lives, our relatives to be healthier, other people to be less rude, etc., etc. 

So what can we do about this? It can drive us crazy, but we can't make it happen. It's out of our control. Trying to change others, wanting them to be the way we want them to be, just doesn't work. The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to just let others be however they want to be. Even when that annoys you. 

Here's the way of being that I'm trying to cultivate:

1. To remind myself that I don't control others.
2. To remind myself that other people can live their lives however they want.
3. To see the good in them.
4. To let go of an ideal I have that's causing the frustration. 
5. To see that when others are being difficult, they are having a hard time coping. And to empathize with this.
6. To remember when I've had a hard time, when I struggled with change, when I've been frustrated.
7. To do what I can to help them: to be of service, to listen, to make them feel heard, to make them feel accepted.

I'm not good at this yet, but when I find my way, it helps. It makes me less frustrated, it helps me to be more mindful, it improves my relationships, it helps others feel better. I wish this for all of you.

For more pieces of wisdom from Leo, I highly recommend checking out his blog Zen Habits.