How To Make Work-Life Balance Work

My girlfriend showed me this wonderful TedX Talk from Nigel Marsh about work-life balance. We both agreed with everything he says here. His ideas are totally in sync with our own values regarding life and work. A lot of what I said in the past is presented here, about slowing down the endlessly busy life and instead focusing on what truly matters to us. We aren't machines and we shouldn't be treated like one, nor treat ourselves like one. We deserve freedom and time to live our lives to the fullest, and we can't do that if we are working jobs we hate to buy stuff we don't need.

Mindfulness: Single-tasking

Single-tasking may be the very essence of mindfulness. Everything I mentioned in past posts revolve around this idea. When we breathe, just breathe. When we eat, just eat. When we wash our dishes, just wash. When we walk, just walk. When we read, just read. Focusing on one thing at a time brings us more attention to our present experience and will bring us more enjoyment from that activity instead of just looking forward to the future or reminiscing the past.

This is something I am still trying to get better at. Throughout my day, I am often plagued by the urge to do more things, to be more productive. I read too many articles through the day, try and get too many things done, commit to too many projects, etc. This is something that afflicts many of us in today's world. Success is often measured by how much we get done and how busy we are. The people doing the most work are regarded as the ones who are contributing the most to society. But too often we give up the quality of our work for getting more done.

Through mindfulness and discipline, I am trying to focus on doing less throughout the day, and instead giving my all to one task at a time. I can still get better at it. There is no perfection here. It is something I have to work at continuously, probably for the rest of my life. But the benefits of living more presently will sure be worth it.

Note: I don't mean to say that planning for the future or reminiscing the past is bad, but when we do those things we should be focused on doing those activities. We can make better plans for our future if we are fully involved with the present task of planning. If we are reminiscing with a friend, we will enjoy our memories more if we are present in the discussion and not half-listening and playing with our phone. Just some thoughts.

Mindfulness: Read In Silence

Reading is a wonderful activity to engage in. It requires one to sit alone in silence and engage with a text written by a whole other person. It is a connection through human language. But reading is different now then it used to be. It is harder to find silence in our lives to read. We are raised in our society to always be striving for goals and to have a successful career and have more of the next best thing.

I have made time for reading a lot more lately. I enjoy the sitting alone, quietly engaging in reading words and sentences of a good novel or some poetry. I read a lot and many different kinds of books but I have to have silence to do this. I can read in a public space like a coffee shop some of the time but it is best to do at home, with no electronics on, maybe a candle lit. Just a quiet solitude with few distractions.

It is becoming increasingly harder for us to find this kind of space in our lives and I think then it is even more important to go out of our way to find it. Society today is in a big rush, a hurry to do the next thing. We need to slow down and quiet our minds to listen to who we truly are and what we truly need. David Foster Wallace said in an interview that "it seems significant that we don't want things to be quiet, ever, anymore." It's like we are all in a race to do things for ourselves, get things for ourselves, and not sharing our experiences. Reading quietly (and slowly, cherish that experience) is a way to connect with this sharing. 

Here is another DFW quote from the interview below: "Particularly now in computer and internet culture, everything is so fast and the faster things go the more we feed that part of ourselves [the self-gratifying part] but don't feed the part of ourselves that....that likes quiet."

Mindfulness: Walking

I enjoy going for walks. A short walk to clear my head during a period of hard work is refreshing and calming. Outside is best; the clear fresh air feels good, even on a cold day. 

Walking can be a great exercise in mindfulness. But take it slow. There is no reason to power-walk. I don't often walk to get my heart rate going. Instead, I try to take my time and enjoy the moments. I notice what I do in fact notice with each step. I pay attention to my breath, just like in meditation. I pay attention to my step, recognizing my connection to the earth through the power of gravity. I notice my environment and my small place in the universe.

Going slowly can be very good practice for patience and calmness as well. I realize that I don't need to be in a rush all of the time. I usually leave a few minutes earlier than I really need to, so that I can ensure I have enough time to enjoy the walk. When I reach an intersection and the hand is blinking red, I don't read it as a sign to "hurry and cross already!" but instead I pause and simply wait. I take the opportunity to take in the world around me and feel a little bit of gratitude that all of this is here for my own experience.

Walking slowly gives me space for experience and enjoy my place in the world.

When Others Frustrate Me

It is incredibly easy to get frustrated with other people. Letting go of trivial things and staying calm can be a difficult thing when the other person is just not doing what we want them to do, or when they are disagreeing with us, or when they offend us, etc., etc. This is something I have been trying to work on over the past year, and though I am not perfect at it, being aware of how I get frustrated and how I react has helped me a lot in being a more compassionate and patient person.

I read this excellent blog post from Leo Babauta the other day and it really resonated with me so I had to share it on my own blog:

There's a way of being I am trying to cultivate in myself - to let go of wanting others to be a certain way. 

Here's the problem: we all get frustrated with other people. We want our kids to do certain things, our spouses to be less something or other, our friends to change their lives, our relatives to be healthier, other people to be less rude, etc., etc. 

So what can we do about this? It can drive us crazy, but we can't make it happen. It's out of our control. Trying to change others, wanting them to be the way we want them to be, just doesn't work. The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to just let others be however they want to be. Even when that annoys you. 

Here's the way of being that I'm trying to cultivate:

1. To remind myself that I don't control others.
2. To remind myself that other people can live their lives however they want.
3. To see the good in them.
4. To let go of an ideal I have that's causing the frustration. 
5. To see that when others are being difficult, they are having a hard time coping. And to empathize with this.
6. To remember when I've had a hard time, when I struggled with change, when I've been frustrated.
7. To do what I can to help them: to be of service, to listen, to make them feel heard, to make them feel accepted.

I'm not good at this yet, but when I find my way, it helps. It makes me less frustrated, it helps me to be more mindful, it improves my relationships, it helps others feel better. I wish this for all of you.

For more pieces of wisdom from Leo, I highly recommend checking out his blog Zen Habits.

Mindfulness: The Tea Ceremony

"Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Drinking tea can be a wonderful experience. It tastes wonderful, it is peaceful, it is calm. It is good for us. It is healthy. But it can also be an opportunity to practice mindfulness.

Tea ceremonies have been a part of Eastern culture for a very long time, being highly ritualized and formal. I don't know very much about these ancient ceremonies but the idea is fascinating. Lately, I have been drinking more tea and trying to do so in a calm period in my day, incorporating into my sitting time for mindfulness and also as part of meditation. Drinking tea can be beneficial for mindfulness in several ways.

When drinking tea, I attempt to focus on the tea and nothing else. I will sit on a cushion on the floor, perhaps light a candle, but all of my attention will be on the tea. This sustained time of focus is similar to meditation, but instead the tea becomes part of it. If thoughts come up, I let them rise and do not force them away. I gently let them float off and return my focus to the tea. I pay attention to the flavor, the smell, the texture, the texture, and even the sound of me sipping the sweet liquid.

Drinking warm tea is also an exercise in slowness. I do not gulp the tea down and finish it as fast as I can. I take my time with it. I savour each moment I have with the tea. The tea is the only thing there and I do not need to rush it. By drinking slowly, I can appreciate the tea and what it does for me.

By taking it slow and focusing on the subtle attributes of the tea, I can turn my thoughts and feelings towards an expression of gratitude. Focus and slowness bring mental benefits through mindfulness, but tea itself also has a lot of health benefits. By paying attention to the tea I am drinking I can realize the healthy act I am doing for my body and be grateful for the kind act I am bestowing upon myself.

As for what tea I like to drink, I mostly go with regular green tea, but I have some peach white tea and jade mint (which has a spearmint after taste, yum!). I recently tried some Japanese sencha tea and I think my next tea purchase will be some of that.

Mindfulness: Wash Your Bowl

One of the things I am trying to get better at is cleaning my dishes more often. When they aren't done, and there are dirty dishes piling up on my counter and in my sink, I end up feeling lazy and unmotivated and like I am living in filth. Even if that isn't true, the sight of dirty dishes still leaves me feeling kind of down. So for me, it is helpful to do my dishes as soon as I use them.

A monk told Joshu, "I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me."

Joshu asked, "Have you eaten your rice porridge?"

The monk replied, "I have eaten."

Joshu said, "Then you had better wash your bowl."

At that moment the monk was enlightened.

This story reminds me to enjoy daily life, and that enlightenment comes from simply enjoying the present moment, even one as mundane and simple as washing my dishes. So when I wash my dishes, I try and do it with mindfulness. I pay attention to the feel of my dishes, the texture, what value I get from these simple objects in my life. Gratitude can go a long way for how we feel about our daily lives.

I recently posted a list of Zen Things to do on my fridge, as a reminder to be mindful and enjoy the present moment. The tenth item on the list is to make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Doing my dishes can be a calming experience. It need not be a horrendous chore. Instead I approach my dishes with a calm mind and be grateful for the opportunity to practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness: Eating

Mindfulness means fully engaging yourself with what you are doing. Being present.

So, when you eat, eat.

Just eat. Don't watch TV or Youtube or listen to the radio or your favorite music, or play video games, or even read a book or the newspaper. Being mindful of the food we eat not only helps be more present and aware, but we can actually enjoy our food a lot more too.

Before I started eating a healthier diet, I used to eat a lot of fast food and take out and quick microwavable meals. I ate while listening to music, or playing with my phone, or watching TV, etc. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was putting in my mouth and digesting.

Now, I try and pay more attention. I try to eat slower and really savor the taste and the texture of my food. It helps that my food is healthier, and I can truly enjoy my meal with this mindful eating technique. Some people may look at my food and think it is boring. I usually eat a salad without any dressing and some plain brown rice or a hummus wrap for my lunch at work. Most people seem to think that it is more exciting to eat greasy bacon burgers or pizza or something with tasty sauces or condiments. But for me, by paying attention to how my food feels and affects me, I fully enjoy the modest meals I have now. 

The flavour of fruits and vegetables is something I took for granted before and never realized how enjoyable they could be when I was so deep into fast food eating. I still eat junk food and sweets and baked stuff like cinnamon buns occasionally, and I am not against the occasional burger per se, but these things have become even more enjoyable to me now that they are treats and not the regular diet.

AVOCADO!

Mindfulness: Brush Your Teeth

Hopefully we all brush our teeth (the importance of oral hygiene is undebatable). But how many of us brush our teeth and think about other things? What our plans for the day is? Our worries about work or finances? Our date for later that night? How many times do we forget to floss?

Instead of flooding our minds with discursive thoughts and worries, brushing our teeth is an opportunity to practice mindfulness. Try fully concentrating on the brushing action, paying attention to where we direct the brush. Notice the sensation of the bristles cleaning our teeth. Notice where in our mouth we are cleaning. Where does it hurt? Where does it feel good?

By fully paying attention to our teeth cleaning ritual, we become fully absorbed in the present moment and we will probably do a better job and end up with better teeth. Try this mindfulness practice and brush your teeth with focus instead of drifting through on auto-pilot.

Mindfulness: Mornings

A lot has been said of mindfulness in recent years as more and more people begin to realize its incredible benefits. Living presently in the moment with mindfulness or meditation sounds like it can be some New Age hippie movement that guys with long braided hair and barefooted girls with flower necklaces would be into, but it actually is a great practice for anybody and everybody.  And it doesn't have to be some radical lifestyle change. Mindfulness can easily fit into anybody's schedule, no matter how busy we are.

Daily mindfulness practice can be incredibly simple and does not need to take up much time. One of the easiest methods of practice is this:

Sit in the morning.

After you wake up, don't bother rushing around tending to things that need to get done. All of those can wait. Instead, simply sit. Place a cushion on the floor, or a blanket, or even sit in a chair. But just sit. Maybe as you brew your morning coffee, just sit and wait. You don't have to do anything.

Spending some time each morning and just sitting with ourselves can bring a lot of attention to how we feel. Just sit for five minutes, that's all it takes. Anybody can allow five minutes a day to sit and be present with their-self. Try focusing on your breathing. Pay attention to the breath going in and out. Don't force yourself to breathe a certain way. Just be aware of the pattern of in and out respiration. We don't need to be meditation gurus to do this. Breathing is the simplest action we do.

This is mindfulness at its very essence. Just be there, sitting, not forcing anything, not resisting.

Just sit.

Feed the Right Wolf

Happy April Fool's Day!

I hope you have fun pulling a safe prank on someone today. I love pranks and jokes and fooling people in funny ways that gets a laugh out of them, always in good fun of course. Something to lighten our spirits. 

But sometimes we can fool ourselves, too. Fool ourselves into deceptive thinking. We tell ourselves just one more cookie is okay, or I can go a day or two without keeping to my healthy diet plan, or I can do this drug for just one evening. Some things are okay in moderation, but if we say yes too often it can easily lead to bad habits and an unhealthy life and eventually toward unhappiness and discontent. So how do we make the right choices?

There is a story of a Native American grandfather telling his grandson about the troubles in the world, about the unfairness and the suffering and the malaise. He told his grandson that within each person lives two wolves. One wolf represents all the negative energy within us; the fear, the suffering, the hate, the discrimination, the greed, the lust, etc. The other wolf represents every positive energy within us; the happiness, the love, the joy, the peace, the friendship, the calmness, the interconnectdness, etc. The grandfather said that these two wolves are locked in battle within us, fighting for control over our lives. The grandson asked, "Which wolf wins?"

The grandfather said, "The wolf you feed."

This story of feeding the right wolf is very powerful. We can easily fool ourselves into feeding the wrong wolf, feeding that negative energy within us, by giving into unhealthy habits and bad food and bad substances and bad actions. Sure, it's okay to eat fast food every now and then, to enjoy desert once in a while, to go to a party and have a few drinks or whatever. But when we do those things too much it can seriously infect our lives with unpleasantness.

Feeding the right wolf, filling our life with positive energy, keeps us healthy and happy and leads to a fuller, more content life. This is easier said than done of course. We all know intellectually that eating healthy is good for us, that exercise is good for us, that meditation is good for us. But how do we get into the habit of it?

That's where discipline and mindfulness of our choices come into play. Over the next few weeks I am going to write several posts on how to develop mindfulness and discipline to stay mindful through simply daily activities. It isn't hard to be mindful and aware of our actions, but it does take discipline. Stay tuned!