Finding Contentment

Sometimes I think about all of things I wish I had and the things I wish I could do. I wish I could travel, visit Japan or Italy or Alaska or Scotland. I wish I could read every book ever written. As Trent Reznor said in a song, "I want to know everything; I want to be everywhere." But I can't be. Instead of endlessly reaching for some happiness through unattainable desires, I can look for what I have right here, right now.

Contentment can be found in what we have right now. It won't be found in more stuff. Sometimes we get caught up in striving for more. More money, more success, more friends. This focus on the future and of what is coming next can easily tear us away from the present and leave us wanting more. This endless desire to succeed and gain never satisfies us. As soon as we gain one thing, we need another. Where does it end?

Instead of searching endlessly for happiness in future goals and possessions, we can instead find contentment with what we have right now. Contentment is more sustainable than happiness.

Lao Tzu wisely said: "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

Discipline

Discipline is often associated with military drills and authority figures forcing people to do nasty things that no one really wants to do. But it takes discipline to develop better habits for ourselves. It takes discipline to be healthy, happy, and content.

I've been slipping in a few areas in my life when it comes to discipline.

I meant to get more sleep, and I was good for the first week, but soon after I started staying up late again. I didn't follow my own advice and go to bed at a time that would give me more hours. Finding discipline to develop a better sleep habit would lead me to be less irritable and have more energy.

I've slacked off on exercise. Due to staying up late, I have slept in longer, denying me time to put in a solid exercise routine. Exercise becomes a habit when I am used to the routine of doing it every morning, but it takes discipline to get to that point. I have to actually do it.

I haven't meditated as often lately either. I used to do at least 15 minutes every day, but now it's every once in a while. I had disciplined myself into a regular routine of meditation, but by not doing it, I develop a habit of not giving myself that time to be still and find peace within myself.

I haven't blogged in a while. I was in the habit of doing 3 posts a week for while, but now I have slacked off a lot. Finding the discipline to write every day on here, will motivate me to write other things I want to write: in my journal, poetry, and fiction stories.

I have other good habits built by discipline though. I eat fruits and vegetables every day. I am so used to eating a healthy vegetable-based lunch that I don't even think about eating other less healthy stuff at work. I am also more mindful of what I say and how I react to other people. I don't get angry so easily as I have developed the discipline of checking in with myself on my thoughts and feelings and if my response is appropriate.

So how can I build discipline and regain my healthy habits of sleeping well, exercising, and meditation?

I can re-think my priorities.

I can limit the things I need to do.

I can do one thing at a time and be present while doing it.

I can take small steps in each goal.

I can be content with where I am right now.

Working Through Issues

Relationships are hard. It isn't easy to be committed to another person. There is always something that comes up, some issue that has to be worked out or some disagreement to be settled. Sometimes it can seem so much easier to give up on the relationship and walk away. This same phenomenon happens in other areas of our lives. It gets hard at the gym, so we quit going. It gets harder to cook healthy meals for ourselves, so we eat out more often. Working hard for the career we really want is difficult, so we settle for a job that is easy but un-fulfilling.

A better way would be to work through the hard parts of life. That is the only way to accomplish something worthwhile. In the film A League of Their Own, a character complains after a very hard baseball practice that "It's just too hard." Tom Hanks's character responds, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great."

My lovely girlfriend and I recently became engaged. We had been talking about marriage for a long time now, but it took me a while to muster up the courage to officially propose. In the past year we have gone through a lot of difficult times. We each had our own personal issues that negatively affected the relationship and at times it felt like we wouldn't be able to sustain a healthy life together. We even broke up for a short period. During that time, we were alone and had time to find our inner selves and realize how much we missed each other. We began again and worked through our issues, finding new ways to make it work. Working through the hard times has brought us closer together, and now our relationship is better than ever! Great things can happen when we don't give up and choose to hang in there through the hard parts.

What we found was that relationships do not become some great easy thing once you reach a certain point. Marriage won't suddenly turn everything golden and simple and make problems disappear. What it does bring is a sense of commitment; a strength to work together to overcome the hard times. Problems will always be there. We solve one thing and another comes up. It is going to be hard but during those dark times, we need something to hold onto. Commitment is the key.

I am not going to tell you how to solve problems. That would be impossible. Every situation is different with different couples and at different times and places in our lives. What I have learned is that as a couple, my fiancee and I have had to work together and collaborate to make our relationship the best it can be. No matter how hard it gets, we can and will find a way together.

How can we find commitment in our relationships?

- Be grateful for your significant other; appreciate them.

- Communicate openly and honestly; talk about your feelings.

- Listen to them; really listen.

- Be compassionate.

- Do not try to change them; accept them for who they are.

- Do not avoid issues; work through them, especially the difficult ones.

- Make time for each other.

- Love yourself, too.