Relationships are hard. It isn't easy to be committed to another person. There is always something that comes up, some issue that has to be worked out or some disagreement to be settled. Sometimes it can seem so much easier to give up on the relationship and walk away. This same phenomenon happens in other areas of our lives. It gets hard at the gym, so we quit going. It gets harder to cook healthy meals for ourselves, so we eat out more often. Working hard for the career we really want is difficult, so we settle for a job that is easy but un-fulfilling.
A better way would be to work through the hard parts of life. That is the only way to accomplish something worthwhile. In the film A League of Their Own, a character complains after a very hard baseball practice that "It's just too hard." Tom Hanks's character responds, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great."
My lovely girlfriend and I recently became engaged. We had been talking about marriage for a long time now, but it took me a while to muster up the courage to officially propose. In the past year we have gone through a lot of difficult times. We each had our own personal issues that negatively affected the relationship and at times it felt like we wouldn't be able to sustain a healthy life together. We even broke up for a short period. During that time, we were alone and had time to find our inner selves and realize how much we missed each other. We began again and worked through our issues, finding new ways to make it work. Working through the hard times has brought us closer together, and now our relationship is better than ever! Great things can happen when we don't give up and choose to hang in there through the hard parts.
What we found was that relationships do not become some great easy thing once you reach a certain point. Marriage won't suddenly turn everything golden and simple and make problems disappear. What it does bring is a sense of commitment; a strength to work together to overcome the hard times. Problems will always be there. We solve one thing and another comes up. It is going to be hard but during those dark times, we need something to hold onto. Commitment is the key.
I am not going to tell you how to solve problems. That would be impossible. Every situation is different with different couples and at different times and places in our lives. What I have learned is that as a couple, my fiancee and I have had to work together and collaborate to make our relationship the best it can be. No matter how hard it gets, we can and will find a way together.
How can we find commitment in our relationships?
- Be grateful for your significant other; appreciate them.
- Communicate openly and honestly; talk about your feelings.
- Listen to them; really listen.
- Be compassionate.
- Do not try to change them; accept them for who they are.
- Do not avoid issues; work through them, especially the difficult ones.
- Make time for each other.
- Love yourself, too.