Happy New Year 2016

It's been a long time since I made a post, so I thought January 1st of the new year would be a good time to begin again. It's been a hell of a year in 2015 and I have made a lot of changes to the way I live. I am working a part-time job in the retail world (selling books of course, which I am very passionate about so that makes it okay) and it has been a huge change for me. Since graduating from film school, I feel like people expect me to make a career for myself and engage in work that is meaningful and to extract purpose from my work. But I've learned that maybe I don't want to do that. I've learned that maybe my career isn't my purpose. I don't believe that I live to work. Rather I work to live. I don't need my job to define who I am as a person. 

Instead, I define myself by how I live in every moment, not just in my place of work, but through the way I treat my home, my health, my relationships with other people, my values and ideals, and my family. In the past years I have turned to minimalism, mindfulness, and philosophy more and more and all these new things I am learning have culminated in a major shift of focus for my life: simplicity. I don't need to strive for more and more things. Bigger and better things. Less is more.

This March I am getting married to the most important person in my life. She has taught me so much about life and love and how to be a better person. Lately we have talked a lot about buying a house and starting a family. These are big things, sure, but they don't need to detract from who we are. We don't need to sell our lives over to the altar of a career to make more money in order to sustain a lifestyle that our society says we should want. What we want is time and space to enjoy our life with our small home and our children. I want to enjoy every moment in life.

I don't believe in the New Year's Resolution. I think it creates a goal that is unachievable. It sets us up for disappointment, Instead, I aim to continue living a healthy life, a life of being content and accepting life as it comes as best as I can. I have goals, of course, but they may take longer to reach than I anticipate. I can't tell the future. All I know is that I want to be a better person, and for me, that is enough. I am enough, today. Today is enough.

Last Day

Today is my last day at the internship program. I've been here for two years. It feels weird to think this is my last day. For a while, it felt like every day was exactly the same and it's hard to shake that feeling today. It doesn't feel any different to me. But it is. I have to say goodbye to the people I've worked with, to the atmosphere, the environment, to my favorite reading space at lunch.

However, change is good. Everything changes eventually. Impermanence is the only true reality. I've gone through big changes before. This is just another stage in life beginning; a transition. It is healthy for me to accept the transience of life. To move on; to let go; to embrace something new. 

My time spent here has undoubtedly lead me to experience the biggest changes in my life: I discovered mindfulness, minimalism, and philosophy (Eastern and Western). I changed a lot of habits to lead a healthier lifestyle. I started writing a lot more. I created some of the artwork that has fulfilled me the most. I leave this stage of life with a sadness, many bittersweet memories, but with the progress I have made, I will only move forward from here and experience the beauty that is life's journey.

Arche II: The Rebirth

Chilly May Morning

A spider in the window

Her web is her home

I saw this spider in my apartment window all spring, and despite my fear of creepy crawly things, I began to enjoy the sight of her peacefully abiding while I drank my morning coffee or tea. She died  a few weeks ago, gone without a goodbye, but a new spider arrived to take its place. I named the new spider Arche II (being the second spider in my window); Arche is Greek for "origin" or "beginning".

My life seems to be in a state of new beginning. This is my last week in an internship position I've held for two years. It feels like just an ordinary day here at the office, but the atmosphere is permeated by an inextricable feeling of sadness. This emotion comes bittersweet however, as every ending is a new beginning.

Next week will arise a new stage of my life for me. I will begin working in just one place (I started my new job a few weeks ago; working two jobs has been stressful). The extra free time I have will allow me to gain new focus on my priorities: my relationship with my lovely fiancée, my health (both eating and exercise), mindfulness meditation, reading and writing more, and establishing renewed connections with friends and family. This rebirth into the next stage of my life is ripe with opportunity, and I plan on using this time to simplify and lead a life of values. I also plan on writing more in this blog, so stay tuned!

Laughter

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

Well, it certainly helps keep our spirits up and not so stressed out. We all get overwhelmed with things we have to do and responsibilities we have. Life can be tough. But every now and then we have to just laugh it off and let go. We can't take everything so seriously all the time. After all life is just a ride, an endless cosmic joke. So enjoy it.

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. - Victor Hugo

Out In Nature

I live close to a park where I live. A big park. So lately, I have been making an effort to get outside and explore nature. I don't bring my phone. I don't listen to music. I just walk. Or I jog. Or I ride a bicycle. But I tend to take my time. I enjoy the pleasant silence of the forest: the wind through the leaves of trees, the song of birds. I can still hear the traffic of the city, but it is distant; a far-off dream. I can leave civilization relatively behind.

Being outside, even in a park, is a re-connection to our place in the world. To unplug and be still is like recharging my spiritual batteries. It reminds me that I am a part of the Earth; just another life-form here in this perfect balance that supports and sustains everything we do.

Nature calms me. It brings me peace of mind. It reminds me to slow down and not take things too seriously. Out in nature everything is perfect and already here. I don't need to go looking for it.

Zen Things To Do

  1. Do one thing at a time.

  2. Do it slowly and deliberately.

  3. Do it completely.

  4. Do less.

  5. Put space between things.

  6. Develop rituals.

  7. Designate time for certain things.

  8. Devote time to sitting.

  9. Smile and serve others.

10. Make cooking and cleaning become meditation.

11. Think about what is necessary.

12. Live simply.

Do Less

One of the key principles of minimalism is "less is more".

Last year, I experimented with this by playing a minimalism game. I got rid of a lot of my material possessions, choosing to de-clutter my apartment but also to focus more on things I do instead of things I have. However this idea of "less is more" should also pertain to the things I do.

I used to have a big problem with over committing. I was a "yes person". In the past year I have gotten much better at saying no to things but it is something I still need to work on. Essentially, if I have less projects on my plate I can focus on one thing and really put all of my effort and passion into it. Instead of working on a huge list of books, I can focus on reading my current one and enjoy it much more. Instead of dreaming about all the different film projects I want to plan for, I can focus on my current one and make it the best it can be. Instead of looking forward to all the fun things I will do on the weekend, I can enjoy the present moment with the people I am with right now. Instead of checking email a hundred times a day, I can check it once in the morning and leave it alone until tomorrow.

Doing less changes our mindset on productivity as well. In today's society, we tend to put an emphasis on success by how much we achieve and get done. Workaholic and business are signs of highly effective people, but it is a trap. Constantly having things to do leads to more things. It never ends; a vicious cycle of "production". Instead, we can do less things and the few things we do can be far more effective by putting more passion into them.

What things are you doing that are distracting you from what you really want to do today? What future things are you looking forward to that are delaying your enjoyment of the present? How productive are you really being by committing to ten things today versus one thing?

We Are Consumers

Only a few people want us to be happy. Friends and family, mostly. The majority of people want us to be consumers. They need us to buy stuff to keep them going, to make them successful. This is an unfortunate reality in our society today. Most of us measure our success based on how much stuff we have, how expensive it is, and how we compare to everybody else. The economy is entirely built on how much money is being exchanged between corporations and governments.

It can be exhausting to get caught up in all of this. To constantly be trapped in the consumerist cycle of buying and selling and endlessly wanting more. Where does it end?

Instead of allowing us to be hounded into having more, I opt for settling for less. We don't need the newest phone, the best car, the biggest house, to see all the blockbusters, to have a faster computer, to get the biggest diamond ring. If we can settle and be content with what we have - right here, right now - then we can find that the essentials are easy to find, and relatively cheap: air, water, shelter, joy. The best things in life can't be bought or sold, but are experienced.

Comparing Your Life

Comparing our own lives to others often leads us to feelings of discontent, malaise, and wanting more. It makes us try to be someone else rather than accept ourselves for who we are. We try to change ourselves to be like those people we think are better, but really we are striving for an unrealistic ideal here.

We can't compare our lives to someone else because we can't possible know what their life is like.

a < b

If a = our life, and b = other person's life, can the above equation be true? Well, say we give our own life a value of 10 based on whatever factors there are (be it happiness, health, financial, whatever). We can't then come up with a value for someone else's life because it is an unknown.

10 < b

Is this a rational statement? Or what if we say someone else's life is worse than ours?

10 > b

Is this a correct statement? We can't compare an unknown value to a known value. It just doesn't work. So when we think someone else's life is better, they could be going through depression, or struggling financially, or experiencing similar feelings of discontent because they're comparing their selves with someone else too. Or if we judge someone as having a worse life, that person may be going through a hard time at this particular moment, or maybe they are perfectly content with their lives and we only think their life is worse because we have some pre-conceived idea that they need to have this wonderful thing we have or else they can't be happy.

Everyone in the world has such vastly individual experiences and yet we are so much the same in how we worry about how we stack up against the others. Rather than compare myself, I try to let things be the way they are and just be content.

Greece's Debt Crisis

There is a lot in the news lately about Greece's crazy debt crisis and rejecting more loans and the finance minister resigning and blah blah blah. I don't know that much about it (I don't keep up with news, but I heard this story from a co-worker who was very critical of Greece). However, it seems to me that we as a society put so much emphasis on nations as debt collectors. Greece owes Germany money, Canada owes Australia, America owes Britain, etc., etc. Every nation has debt; the world has debt. 

It feels like we are measuring a country's worth by its financial standing far more than any other criteria. I don't know much about living in foreign countries, including Greece, but there must be some good quality about their culture that we can appreciate rather than focus on the negative connotations of a failing economic system.

I see us do the same thing with individual people too. We judge our friends and colleagues by their salary, the car they drive, the house they own, and what clothes they wear rather than what kind of person they are, what they contribute to the community, how they treat others, or what their attitude is like.

I leave you today with some lyrics from Enter Shikari that I think apply to this situation:

Now I don’t know about you, but

I don’t think…

the primary purpose of your life, of my life,

and the entirety of the human race

Is just to blindly consume to support a failing economy and a faulty system

For ever and ever

Until we run out of every resource

And have to resort to blowing each other up to ensure our own survival.

I don’t think…

We’re supposed to sit by idle

While we continue to use a long outdated system

That produces war, poverty, collusion, corruption,

Ruins our environment and threatens every aspect of our health,

And does nothing but divide and segregate us,

I don’t think…

How much military equipment we’re selling to other countries,

How many hydrocarbons we’re burning,

How much money is being printed and exchanged

Is a good measure of how healthy our society is.

But I do think…

I can speak for everyone when I say…

We’re sick of this shit.

Treefingers

I listened to great song today from Radiohead called Treefingers. I've been on a musical journey these past few weeks, listening to Radiohead's catalogue album by album and I am now on their fourth album, Kid A. This particular track (Treefingers) is a very ambient meditative instrumental. It's one I have always been particularly fond of.

Since my practice of meditation and interest in Zen has become a bigger part of my life, I can feel an even bigger connection to this beautiful piece of music. As I listened to it today, I simply walked outside and felt at peace. I noticed how my body felt, each step I took, the feel of the sun on my face. It was nice. I can do this without music though.

I think it is a good practice to be with ourselves under simple circumstances. Outside, simply walking and doing nothing else. Drinking tea or eating a healthy snack without the TV on. Listening to this extremely minimalist song is also a simple act; it is the antithesis to what a lot of music seems to be these days: attention-grabbing. 

Give Treefingers a listen and bask in it's simple rhythm.

Finding Contentment

Sometimes I think about all of things I wish I had and the things I wish I could do. I wish I could travel, visit Japan or Italy or Alaska or Scotland. I wish I could read every book ever written. As Trent Reznor said in a song, "I want to know everything; I want to be everywhere." But I can't be. Instead of endlessly reaching for some happiness through unattainable desires, I can look for what I have right here, right now.

Contentment can be found in what we have right now. It won't be found in more stuff. Sometimes we get caught up in striving for more. More money, more success, more friends. This focus on the future and of what is coming next can easily tear us away from the present and leave us wanting more. This endless desire to succeed and gain never satisfies us. As soon as we gain one thing, we need another. Where does it end?

Instead of searching endlessly for happiness in future goals and possessions, we can instead find contentment with what we have right now. Contentment is more sustainable than happiness.

Lao Tzu wisely said: "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."

Discipline

Discipline is often associated with military drills and authority figures forcing people to do nasty things that no one really wants to do. But it takes discipline to develop better habits for ourselves. It takes discipline to be healthy, happy, and content.

I've been slipping in a few areas in my life when it comes to discipline.

I meant to get more sleep, and I was good for the first week, but soon after I started staying up late again. I didn't follow my own advice and go to bed at a time that would give me more hours. Finding discipline to develop a better sleep habit would lead me to be less irritable and have more energy.

I've slacked off on exercise. Due to staying up late, I have slept in longer, denying me time to put in a solid exercise routine. Exercise becomes a habit when I am used to the routine of doing it every morning, but it takes discipline to get to that point. I have to actually do it.

I haven't meditated as often lately either. I used to do at least 15 minutes every day, but now it's every once in a while. I had disciplined myself into a regular routine of meditation, but by not doing it, I develop a habit of not giving myself that time to be still and find peace within myself.

I haven't blogged in a while. I was in the habit of doing 3 posts a week for while, but now I have slacked off a lot. Finding the discipline to write every day on here, will motivate me to write other things I want to write: in my journal, poetry, and fiction stories.

I have other good habits built by discipline though. I eat fruits and vegetables every day. I am so used to eating a healthy vegetable-based lunch that I don't even think about eating other less healthy stuff at work. I am also more mindful of what I say and how I react to other people. I don't get angry so easily as I have developed the discipline of checking in with myself on my thoughts and feelings and if my response is appropriate.

So how can I build discipline and regain my healthy habits of sleeping well, exercising, and meditation?

I can re-think my priorities.

I can limit the things I need to do.

I can do one thing at a time and be present while doing it.

I can take small steps in each goal.

I can be content with where I am right now.

Working Through Issues

Relationships are hard. It isn't easy to be committed to another person. There is always something that comes up, some issue that has to be worked out or some disagreement to be settled. Sometimes it can seem so much easier to give up on the relationship and walk away. This same phenomenon happens in other areas of our lives. It gets hard at the gym, so we quit going. It gets harder to cook healthy meals for ourselves, so we eat out more often. Working hard for the career we really want is difficult, so we settle for a job that is easy but un-fulfilling.

A better way would be to work through the hard parts of life. That is the only way to accomplish something worthwhile. In the film A League of Their Own, a character complains after a very hard baseball practice that "It's just too hard." Tom Hanks's character responds, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great."

My lovely girlfriend and I recently became engaged. We had been talking about marriage for a long time now, but it took me a while to muster up the courage to officially propose. In the past year we have gone through a lot of difficult times. We each had our own personal issues that negatively affected the relationship and at times it felt like we wouldn't be able to sustain a healthy life together. We even broke up for a short period. During that time, we were alone and had time to find our inner selves and realize how much we missed each other. We began again and worked through our issues, finding new ways to make it work. Working through the hard times has brought us closer together, and now our relationship is better than ever! Great things can happen when we don't give up and choose to hang in there through the hard parts.

What we found was that relationships do not become some great easy thing once you reach a certain point. Marriage won't suddenly turn everything golden and simple and make problems disappear. What it does bring is a sense of commitment; a strength to work together to overcome the hard times. Problems will always be there. We solve one thing and another comes up. It is going to be hard but during those dark times, we need something to hold onto. Commitment is the key.

I am not going to tell you how to solve problems. That would be impossible. Every situation is different with different couples and at different times and places in our lives. What I have learned is that as a couple, my fiancee and I have had to work together and collaborate to make our relationship the best it can be. No matter how hard it gets, we can and will find a way together.

How can we find commitment in our relationships?

- Be grateful for your significant other; appreciate them.

- Communicate openly and honestly; talk about your feelings.

- Listen to them; really listen.

- Be compassionate.

- Do not try to change them; accept them for who they are.

- Do not avoid issues; work through them, especially the difficult ones.

- Make time for each other.

- Love yourself, too.

Healthy Sleep

One of my priorities of late has been getting better sleep.

Getting a good night's rest is incredibly important to our physical and mental health (not to mention emotional as well). When we are tired we are more likely to be stressed, get sick, and get frustrated or upset over trivial things. When we are getting enough sleep, we have more energy, feel more awake, and more happy. Too much sleep, on the other hand, can also leave us feeling drained.

Generally, we hear that 8 hours of sleep is what we should be getting each night. I've been focusing on that a lot the past few weeks and really made an effort to get 8 hours every night. It's tough to do when we bogged down with responsibility (so many things I have to do!) and desire (so many things I want to do!). 

I haven't been willing to forsake my morning routine though. So in order to get up at 5:30 AM, I have to be in bed at 9:30 PM. This is a far cry from my old habits a few years ago. I often stayed up until 2 in the morning or even 3, watching Youtube or movies or playing video games. I have drastically reduced the number of things I try to do each night, and instead focus on doing a few things that I can devote more attention to, and then go to bed earlier to feel rested for my morning routine. 

Getting more sleep becomes a priority when I am able to let go of things I don't need to do. Our priorities are the things we spend the most time doing. What are you spending most of your time on today and does it align with what you believe your priorities are?

Without Coffee For A Week

I successfully went a week without coffee last week. I celebrated by getting myself a delicious locally brewed coffee at the city market here in Fredericton, NB. It was a delicious raspberry flavoured coffee and since it was locally made I felt even better about it.

Since I went a whole week and celebrated my success with a coffee (actually two) over the weekend, I found I really enjoyed the treat at the end of the week. I refrained from buying more ground coffee when I did my groceries this weekend, so I will go another week without coffee. In saying that though, I already bought one this morning at work - but forgive me! I was up later than usual last night and I felt that a nice cup of coffee would be just the thing to start my day. Sleep is something I am making a priority lately and I will write more about that next time.

Who Am I?

Here's a mind-snapping concept:

"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter
is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration.
That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively.
There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream
and we are the imagination of ourselves."

-- The Late Bill Hicks, Comedian -- 

No Coffee

I ran out of coffee today. I usually do a grocery run on the weekend but I am not going to refill my container of ground coffee.

Am I crazy!?

No coffee? What am I going to do? Well, in the past few months I have lowered my coffee intake considerably. I am not giving up on drinking coffee altogether, because I still enjoy a nice cup in the morning. I am giving it up for at least the next though. I will stick to drinking tea for the next week and see how the lack of coffee will affect my focus and my body. I think this will be an interesting experiment. 

I suspect that by lowering my coffee intake even more will make drinking coffee a special occasion. It will be a treat when I do drink it. When we have something in our life that we get used to, we begin to take it for granted. How many other things do we take for granted? Can we be grateful for these things instead?

I will return to drinking coffee next week with gratitude. I will practice gratitude for the cup of coffee in my hands. I will be grateful for the amount of work that went into it (the coffee farmers, the shippers, the manufacturers who made my mug, etc.).

What else can we be grateful for? Instead of complaining about the pothole in the road, can we be grateful for having roads paved for us? What can you be grateful for today?

Favorites

I am letting go of playing favorites.

Favorite movies. My favorite movie for the longest time has been The Lord the Rings (I consider it one film). A close runner-up would have to be Fight Club (probably my first introduction to the concept of minimalism). However, there are so many other great movies out there. As much as I love LOTR and Fight Club, by singling them out as my favorite films I am denying all of the other great films out there. So now when I watch Fight Club, I am fully absorbed with it. When I watch Days of Heaven, I am fully absorbed with it. When I watch La Strada, I am fully absorbed with it.

Favorite books. I have gone through a long list of favorite books. When I was a kid, I loved the Animorphs series of books. They were easily my favorite, with Goosebumps being a close runner-up. Then I turned to The Lord of the Rings in middle school. Orwell's 1984 took it over in high school, and Stephen King's Dark Tower series came soon after. When people ask, I usually respond with the Dark Tower novels being my favorite, but there are so many great novels out there! Instead, I should be present with the book I am currently reading instead of thinking about how great my favorite is. While reading Infinite Jest, I am fully absorbed with it. When I read The Gunslinger, I am fully absorbed with it. When I read the Tao Te Ching, I am fully absorbed with it.

Favorite music. I have many musical artists that I consider to be favorites. They cycle in and out of my top ten favorites, but Avenged Sevenfold has always been at the top (I even have tattoos based on their artwork). But sometimes I am enjoying other artists music more than A7X. Sometimes I like Dir En Grey more, or sometimes I am more in the mood for Radiohead, or Naked City, or Brian Eno. So instead of just settling on who my top ten favorite bands are at the time, I will just be present with the music I am listening to at the moment, whatever it may be. When I listen to System of a Down, I am fully absorbed with it. When I listen to Mozart, I am fully absorbed with it. When I listen to Miles Davis, I am fully absorbed with it.

What will I do instead? Rather than make a hierarchy of the best musicians or novels or films, I will just be present with whatever art or entertainment I am presently enjoying. Enjoy the things that are with me now. Be content with what I do have.

This concept can transfer over into other facets of my life too. Rather than compare this moment or this day to previous ones and think it's not as good, I can be content with the present. I can be accept what I have now and dismiss the labels of good or bad. Be content what it is instead of what I think it should be.

It's Just A Ride

We can all get really stressed out and worried about life. What will I do for work? How am I going to pay my bills? What will people think of me? What am I going to do? It's far too easy to fall into worry and lose sight of what we should be focusing on in life. Enjoyment. Happiness. Contentment.

When I get bogged down with worry and stress, sometimes I remind myself of this nice little story from the late Bill Hicks. It reminds to me relax. I don't need to worry, because...

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park.

And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are.

And the ride goes up and down and round and round.

It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride?

And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride... 

...It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want.

It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money.

A choice, right now, between fear and love.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off.

The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride.

Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."   

-- The Late Bill Hicks, Comedian