Happy New Year 2016

It's been a long time since I made a post, so I thought January 1st of the new year would be a good time to begin again. It's been a hell of a year in 2015 and I have made a lot of changes to the way I live. I am working a part-time job in the retail world (selling books of course, which I am very passionate about so that makes it okay) and it has been a huge change for me. Since graduating from film school, I feel like people expect me to make a career for myself and engage in work that is meaningful and to extract purpose from my work. But I've learned that maybe I don't want to do that. I've learned that maybe my career isn't my purpose. I don't believe that I live to work. Rather I work to live. I don't need my job to define who I am as a person. 

Instead, I define myself by how I live in every moment, not just in my place of work, but through the way I treat my home, my health, my relationships with other people, my values and ideals, and my family. In the past years I have turned to minimalism, mindfulness, and philosophy more and more and all these new things I am learning have culminated in a major shift of focus for my life: simplicity. I don't need to strive for more and more things. Bigger and better things. Less is more.

This March I am getting married to the most important person in my life. She has taught me so much about life and love and how to be a better person. Lately we have talked a lot about buying a house and starting a family. These are big things, sure, but they don't need to detract from who we are. We don't need to sell our lives over to the altar of a career to make more money in order to sustain a lifestyle that our society says we should want. What we want is time and space to enjoy our life with our small home and our children. I want to enjoy every moment in life.

I don't believe in the New Year's Resolution. I think it creates a goal that is unachievable. It sets us up for disappointment, Instead, I aim to continue living a healthy life, a life of being content and accepting life as it comes as best as I can. I have goals, of course, but they may take longer to reach than I anticipate. I can't tell the future. All I know is that I want to be a better person, and for me, that is enough. I am enough, today. Today is enough.

Last Day

Today is my last day at the internship program. I've been here for two years. It feels weird to think this is my last day. For a while, it felt like every day was exactly the same and it's hard to shake that feeling today. It doesn't feel any different to me. But it is. I have to say goodbye to the people I've worked with, to the atmosphere, the environment, to my favorite reading space at lunch.

However, change is good. Everything changes eventually. Impermanence is the only true reality. I've gone through big changes before. This is just another stage in life beginning; a transition. It is healthy for me to accept the transience of life. To move on; to let go; to embrace something new. 

My time spent here has undoubtedly lead me to experience the biggest changes in my life: I discovered mindfulness, minimalism, and philosophy (Eastern and Western). I changed a lot of habits to lead a healthier lifestyle. I started writing a lot more. I created some of the artwork that has fulfilled me the most. I leave this stage of life with a sadness, many bittersweet memories, but with the progress I have made, I will only move forward from here and experience the beauty that is life's journey.

Arche II: The Rebirth

Chilly May Morning

A spider in the window

Her web is her home

I saw this spider in my apartment window all spring, and despite my fear of creepy crawly things, I began to enjoy the sight of her peacefully abiding while I drank my morning coffee or tea. She died  a few weeks ago, gone without a goodbye, but a new spider arrived to take its place. I named the new spider Arche II (being the second spider in my window); Arche is Greek for "origin" or "beginning".

My life seems to be in a state of new beginning. This is my last week in an internship position I've held for two years. It feels like just an ordinary day here at the office, but the atmosphere is permeated by an inextricable feeling of sadness. This emotion comes bittersweet however, as every ending is a new beginning.

Next week will arise a new stage of my life for me. I will begin working in just one place (I started my new job a few weeks ago; working two jobs has been stressful). The extra free time I have will allow me to gain new focus on my priorities: my relationship with my lovely fiancée, my health (both eating and exercise), mindfulness meditation, reading and writing more, and establishing renewed connections with friends and family. This rebirth into the next stage of my life is ripe with opportunity, and I plan on using this time to simplify and lead a life of values. I also plan on writing more in this blog, so stay tuned!